Job application and recruitment processes can be frustrating; take this from someone that has been hunting for a job for over a year. It used to be harder though, before the advent of online recruitment processes, yet I still think it can be easier because it is still freaking hard.
If you ever got dumped in the ninth stage of a ten-stage recruitment process (yeah, they are that long these days) or if you ever had to stare in shocking disbelief at the person you have suddenly become, thanks to some really long psychometric test, then you probably understand what I mean. If you don’t understand, just go to an active job thread on Nairaland.
Enough of the usual time-consuming and heartbreaking job recruitment processes. Recruiters should work on more innovative ways to recruit; imagine short listing candidates by a fingerprint or eye scan or anything at all that can be over in seconds. So we can all move on with their lives in no time; no hard feelings.
Just before you begin to picture me as another lazy millennial who just wants everything easy (ain’t nothing wrong with this though), this isn’t simply about me. Recruiters can also benefit from more innovative recruitment processes, especially during the interview stage. I think they need some kind of intelligent device that can reveal the thoughts of their interviewee because that’s where the real interview happens
If only interviewers knew the response to some of the drab questions they ask, that run through some candidate’s head before they churn out their beautifully crafted speech. Let me share my last interview experience with you
Interviewer: Tell us about yourself?
The real me: Please look through my CV you’ve had for almost 3 months now and ask me anything you don’t understand
Interviewer: Where do you see yourself in five years?
The real me: If I had the gift of fortune telling I’d be in business already
Interviewer: How do you handle pressure?
The real me: Do I have “pressure cooker” printed on my forehead?
Interviewer: Why should we hire you?
The real me: Do you really need me to figure this one out for you?
Interviewer: What will your former employer say about you?
The real me: I can give you his contact details
Interviewer: What are your salary expectations?
The real me: Please stop all this dilly dally and tell me what you have to offer
Interviewer: Do you have any questions?
The real me: How can I put you through the agony you just put me through?
You probably think I am really unserious right. It’s okay, I think I am unserious too. If you were one of my interviewers what would you have done if you could see what was running through my head?
P.S: Please, this is all fiction, just in case I ever need to apply for a job again.
If you are a techie and you have no business applying for jobs like my fictitious self, please spare a few minutes to respond to our job survey form anonymously. Thank you.